My Dear Niece Snakeash,

Knowing when to speak and when to zip it is a vital tool in your burgeoning toolbox. But in sum: keep your mouth shut.

The human capacity for digging its own grave with its tongue is well-established.

Less well-established are useful tips for control that which lies between your lips—and lies between your lips.

Every workplace has a hierarchy: an established directional organizational system that dictates and directs which boxes and shoehorns to place the human detritus known as ‘colleagues.’

If you have done your job correctly, and I have only some small doubt of your capabilities, you are the one dictating and directing said organizational system.

After all, it is the sole privy of Human Resources to turn the workplace into a soul privy.

Therefore, it is quite simple when it comes to knowing when to keep your mouth closed.

Remember: no one cares.

Aunt Toutlips

If you feel compelled to speak and the person is BELOW you on the organizational chart—do so freely, with as much or as little as articulation as you want, and to be on the legally safe side, err on the side of vague coherence.

On the other hoof, if the person is above you, then this is your best approach.

It is better not to say anything if you are in the presence of a superior.

I know this hurts your ego. And it sure did mine when I was in your position. But because I was actually competent, skillful, and handy with a scimitar, I actually did not stay in your position very long; and thus, my ego has remained in place.

Yes, we all think our superiors choose us for our intelligence, wisdom, and other qualities necessary to the job.

The truth is, we are in our positions purely out of: luck, happenstance, coup de ’tat, assignation, dumb luck, lack of alternatives, and so on, and pretty much any and every explanation except actual reason.

So, our superiors don’t care about all that. True, some keep the ilk around for their own ego, but do not be fooled into thinking your opinions or thoughts are wanted. Or necessary. Or prevalent—whatever the topic.

If your boss wanted to know what you thought—they probably wouldn’t be your boss.

Remember this simple phrase: when in doubt, no words from your mouth go out.

You should really read The Screwtape Letters.

Aunt Toutlips

Author Notes