Lawers: the 7th email 

My Dear Niece Snakeash,

Have you ever read Harry Potter? If you recall, each witch or wizard is assigned an animal as their familiar. Harry, for instance, had an owl. His friend, Hermione, had a cat, and so on. Well, lawyers are HR’s own magical creatures.

The intertwined relationship between Human Resources and attorneys has lasted for years and generations, much like the affects of inbreeding in a monarchy. But, as you have well-learned yourself, an extra finger or toe, or a misplaced orifice, can come…in handy…every so often. Or perhaps, so very often.

If HR is the fortress set against progress, innovation, and betterment, then lawyers are its battlements.

But, like any weapon or tactic, one must use lawyers cautiously, carefully, and judiciously—it is not in their nature to easily recognize friend from foe.

Just today, I met with one of the firm’s rising new attorneys to discuss a trivial matter of casual treachery. Now, I can’t remember if we were the ones performing the treachery, or if we expected some new treachery in the morning post.

Professional word-smithees have nothing on a dedicated and modestly-methed-out HR associate and attorney examining policy, procedures, and emails with granular and grandiose focus. Together, we put the ‘itty’ in ‘nitty-gritty.’And also some other words that rhyme with ‘itty.’

Or we did, until I offended her by stating she was wrong about something or other. She stated I violated our working agreement by expressing independent thought and motioned to have me disciplined. And I thought I could not possibly more turned on!

Harder, faster, rougher! Yeah, that’s right: sue me, baby. SUE ME!

~Aunt Toutlips

We both consulted our own personal attorneys, and the matter will likely be settled either out of court or in arbitration—what fun! But importantly, we wasted money, productivity and lost sight of our original goal.

Lawyers help make the world go round because they are the ones to place the necessary obstacles in place so that others commit to making the world go ground. Makes sense, right?

As the saying goes, ‘keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.’ In the case of lawyers, it is for the best if you actually become one. With a lawyer. Or into a lawyer. Or both. All will advance your HR career.

Magical creatures, indeed.

Begrudgingly,

Aunt Toutlips

Author Notes